Homesick

I'm baaaaack! For those who don't know, the last post I wrote was in May, due to my college classes ramping up to the finish line. I have about two weeks left of school, but it's fairy easy work, so I'm hoping I'll be more regular on blogging again!

A lot of changes have occurred in my life in the past couple months - some expected, some rather out of the blue! But I've seen God's hand and plan in each of these changes, and am excited to see what He has for me now that I'm almost done with college. Even so, I've recently been challenged by many sources (the Word, family devotionals, sermons, and personal study) to keep my focus on the future...as in the future. The eternal future.

About mid-July this challenge really hit home (no pun intended...ok, who am I kidding ;) ). I'd
previously had a couple emotional experiences of intense longing after my heavenly home (in a very non-suicidal way, need it be said X-) ), but the "bout" of "homesickness" the Lord blessed me with on July 16th was different. It not only inspired me to write a poem (which tends to be a rarity), but urged me further - I didn't just want to stop with a few hours of longing. Even if it wasn't the emotional "warm and fuzzy", I wanted to be longing after my Father in heaven all the time! And ultimately, that is what inspired my most recent study that I would like to share with you over the next couple weeks. I'm calling the series - Hunger for Heaven. Yeah, kind of cliche, but I like alliterations - I'm my daddy's daughter :)

This series will likely ask some hard questions - questions I myself had to face, and some which I'm still mulling over even as I write this:

- What am I longing for right now?
- What am I looking forward to in the future?
- What does my conversation tend to focus on?
- What do I think about at night?

And as I mention often in my blog posts, but would like to say again here - I am merely a studier of the Word. I am no expert, and I'm certainly not God! Although I enjoy sharing my insights, I certainly do not understand everything, or believe that I am necessarily right on everything I do understand. Even if I quote well-known theologians, such as Matthew Henry or John Piper, don't just believe it! I'd encourage you to take everything with a grain of salt, and go look it up in the Word, because God's Love Letter is the only written word in which we can trust completely!!

Lastly, I'd like to share with you all the poem I wrote that night in July. It's still a draft, and will likely never go beyond such, but I think it paints a good picture of how I was feeling, and why I felt the need to undertake this study (and it's a tad long, so bear with me)...

Homesick

by Ellie Faggion

Out on the back porch

I think of your love

How I don’t deserve it

And never could.

I look at the moon

And the half that I see

Is so much smaller

Than your size next to me.

I sing “in the morning”

Lord, “I’ll fly away”

Sometimes it feels so

Hard just to stay.

I long for your presence

To look in your eyes

And know that my hope

Is finally realized.

But I don’t understand.

“Why me?” I ask

“Why did you come here?

Take on such a task?

It stinks here sometimes

We’ve got war, we’ve got pain

There’s anger and sickness,

What did you stand to gain?

I know I am yours

You made me, it’s true

But to die? For me?

Make all mankind new?

Was the cost not too great

And the price not a loss

That you saw fit to come

And be nailed to the cross?

“I don’t understand!”

My soul cries in grief!

“I do not deserve this

Love oh so chief!”

I’m faithless and prideful

I’m vain and I’m selfish

I’m haughty and carnal

I don’t understand it.

But what does He say?

The great One who knows me

Better than all others

Who sees all my lacking?

“I love you so much,

That I gave you my Son,

That whoever believes in Him,

He shall be won

To a kingdom of glory,

One that knows no end.

There’s no pain or darkness

And no fears to fend.

Not just that,” He says

With a smile on His face

“But I’ve saved something special

For you in that place.

I’ve made you a home,

One where you can belong.

We will be there together

Forever” and long

After this world has faded

To ash in my mind

His face I’ll see

Unchanging and kind.

He’ll say, “I love you,

Wasn’t it worth the wait?

‘Cause it sure was worth sending

My Son in your place.”

So I cry all my tears

Till my eyes are cried dry

And I look to the heavens

Up into the sky.

And Daddy, I’ll wait

Just help me to stay

Strong to the end

And want you each day.

Sometimes I’m tired

Can’t take any more

Of these minutes without you

Till you open the door

And we meet face-to-face

For the very first time.

I want to want it

Each minute of mine

But I’m often distracted

With things that don’t count

With worthless pleasures

That only bring doubt

That only make me

Want to stay here.

But in my heart I know there

 Is nothing like being near

To the One who saved me

And gave me new life.

And that’s why I had to

Write this poem tonight.

To be a reminder

That this life is short.

I must look to the end

To that beautiful shore,

Where we’ll meet

Yes, we’ll meet

And part no more.

~~~~~~

Love in Christ,
Ellie